Pantyhose

Alright so, Pantyhose. Pantyhose? Really? I've never been a fan. What Jeff Doesn't Like are pantyhose. I really want to be able to go into a long rant about why I don't like them but I don't even know if I can. I think it's the lack of sexuality that they have about them. I mean, bras? Yeah! Panties? Check! A corset or teddy? Yeah, without a doubt they have sex appeal. But in all reality, it's what's underneath that's enticing. The lingerie is wrapping paper. It's the garnish for a dish that's been prepared so nicely and it adds style. These garments make you say, yeah I know this is going to be great but let me just savor this for a moment or two.

Pantyhose? No, not so much. Initially, lets start off with the presentation for purchase. They come in a freaking box or a sleeve of cardboard that much resembles the type of container most musical cd singles or cheap e.p. albums are cased in. They're set on shelves in Macy's or J.C. Penny's like old novels in an antique book store, collecting dust. All other womens under garments are affixed to hangers and on fake mahogony display tables in places like Victoria's Secret and Fredericks of Holloywood, as well as those department stores. They just look more appealing to the purchaser, to the confident woman or the interested male looking to buy his lady something he'll find her attractive in.

Secondly, pantyhose are deceiving. The reality is that they take away the imperfections in a woman's legs. They exist as a sort of fuzzy distraction the way a few too many drinks and very dim lighting can at a bar. Through this type of perception, you believe that what you've found is a keeper, until the sun comes out the next morning and your buzz wears off. All of a sudden you paid for what you got and what you got wasn't what you thought you paid for. That metaphor might be a bit excessive, but really pantyhose cover up the lack of tone and definition in the calf area, the possibility that maybe she didn't shave her legs, and depending upon the age of the woman, spiderveins. Give me the option at least, in broad daylight, of deciding what's going on without any deception.

Next, there's too much webbing. Webbing on the feet and webbing where it counts. I didn't even try to find a picture there, but you get the idea. I'll put it this way without getting into too much detail regarding webbing. Something wigs me out about the webbed feet thing, and I guess they created a pair of pantyhose that don't have webbed feet but for opened toed shoes, still retarded though. Anyway, for the men reading this...I don't know if you've ever slept with women who wear pantyhose, and I don't mean, like your wife or girlfriend, but just someone. Either way, women don't get them on very easily and it's not as easy to get them off either. There are already too many barriers in the first place. A web of nylon is one more uneccesary obstacle.

I guess I just feel that only women who are married or women who are over 50 should wear pantyhose. There are a lot of leg guys out there, and even if one isn't particularly a leg guy, it's kind of hard not to appreciate that feature on a woman. Regardless of what the occasion is and what the attire a woman chooses to wear may be, beautifully toned, shaved, smooth legs are more attractive than some semi-transparent fabric. Go get the Jergens!